Not long ago my wife and I got into an argument about something trivial. I knew I was right, so I stuck to my guns. I was so convinced that I held the truth that not matter what she said, I would not change my mind. I even made her a bet, a stupid bet. I was so confident, there was no way in the world I was going to be wrong. A quick Google search proved I was wrong, and let's say, I will be doing the dishes for a long time.
Trusting ourselves too much and feeling that we are on the right side of things all the time could be very damaging to our relationships and personal / professional growth. The sense of rightfulness many times, makes us blind and deaf. We get so caught up in winning that we miss the opportunity to dig a little deeper, to listen to the other side, to analyze the arguments and perhaps, just perhaps we can see that our initial choice, is not the right one after all. Some beliefs are trivial, like the one my wife and I had a disagreement about, some, however, can be much more important. What career to choose? Should I marry him/her or not? Should I vote for (insert candidate here) or not?
For the sake of this post, let's assume we are wrong. The problem is not being wrong; the problem is the overwhelming feeling of being right. We tend to believe that our emotions, our truths are reality and the absolute truth. What we do to support our initial choice can lead us to become nasty, unresponsive and sometimes it hurts our relationships.
When we are wrong and refuse to change our point of view, we make assumptions. We assume the other side doesn’t know what we are talking about; we assume they are freaking clueless or worse that they are idiots. We might also believe that the other side is “evil”. These assumptions not only stop us from changing our view but most importantly from seeing the problem from a different perspective.
Realizing you are wrong is not the same as being wrong. I’m not arguing that everyone should agree all the time. But it’s not much fun when every single statement in any conversation is met with, “Nope, you’re wrong; I’m right.”
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Saint Agustine wrote “Fallor ergo sum”, translation “I err therefore I am”. He understood that our capacity for being wrong isn't bad, it is not a defect. Being wrong is part of being human; it is part of being who we are. If you haven’t been wrong, you aren’t human.
If somehow we believe we are totally right, but people that we care about think the opposite, perhaps it is time to step out of this rightfulness bubble we live in. And simply say, I don’t know, maybe I am wrong, maybe the other side is right. Maybe I should look into it and see if what I believe makes sense. Should I have done that, I probably wouldn’t have to be doing the dishes for the next zillion years. ☹
Please see this great TED talk on "being wrong" by Kathrin Shultz
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