“Don’t do the things you don’t want to do.”
I learned the value of this lesson when I was still working in banking, shortly after I’d completed my bachelor’s degree in finance. When I was still in college, I had aspirations of becoming a financial planner. I thought I would take the test and get certified in lieu of going to graduate school, and when I started working for the bank, I told them so.
Becoming a CFP requires sponsorship from a financial institution, and the one I worked for was happy to set me up. They ordered all the books for me (about seven of them, and most of them as thick as a dictionary) and told me to get going.
The only problem was that by the time I actually got the books in-hand, I had graduated and was so completely done with homework and tests and studying—done with finance—that the last thing I wanted to do was dive right into a heavy financial certification process. I tried; I really did. I started reading the first workbook, highlighted sections, marked pages, took notes. But the more time I spent studying, the less I wanted to do it. Every time I went to read a page, I felt like I was right back in class, and all the emotions and anxiety of that time came flooding back. The idea of going through with it made me feel sick to my stomach.
But I kept trying anyway. I was motivated by guilt and a sense of responsibility. I’d told my company that I wanted to do it. I’d told myself the same thing. If I gave up now, what would I say to my boss? How could I ask them to put their faith in me, order me supplies, only to let them down? And if I didn’t go through with it, wasn’t I wasting my education? What was I going to do instead? I was absolutely terrified of making the wrong decision and disappointing people.
I think it was right around this time I read Chris Guilleabeu’s book, The Art of Non-Conformity, and came across his advice about not settling. Chris included a quote by author Chris Brogan:
“Don’t settle: Don’t finish bad books. If you don’t like the menu, leave the restaurant. If you’re not on the right path, get off it.” -Chris Brogan
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It’s funny how the simplest advice can have the greatest impact. Don’t do the things you don’t want to do. It was so easy. Why hadn’t I thought of that? Just because I had wanted to pursue a CFP in the past didn’t mean I still wanted to do it. And it sure as hell didn’t mean I had to do it. So why was I putting myself through so much torture when I was the one in control of the decision?
Because I was afraid. I was afraid of what people would say, what it would mean to quit, how I’d move forward. But reading that quote and understanding what it really meant gave me the clarity I needed. It gave me permission to pay attention to what I felt with every fiber of my body and trust that feeling. It allowed me to let go. I put the books away and never opened them again. And I have never once regretted my decision.
Letting go of the decision to pursue the CFP certification was an important lesson for me, and the advice to not settle continues to drive my decision-making today. There will be times in our lives when we have to choose between doing what is expected of us and listening to our hearts. It’s never an easy decision, and it’s almost always a battle between a sense of responsibility and a sense of freedom. But if we remember that the choice is ours, and that we owe it to ourselves not to settle, we can rest easy in the knowledge that we are doing what’s right.
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