We're all afraid of death. But is it enough to teach us to live?

I found out that a girl I once knew passed away last week. Gretchen and I went to high school together, and even though we hadn’t kept in touch and I hadn’t talked to her in years, I remembered the smiling face looking back at me from the Facebook photos.

Gretchen was a runner, like me, and we both ran for the school cross-country and track teams. I remember her impossibly long legs, white skin, and blonde hair. And her smile. Gretchen was always so sweet and kind. And she was a good runner too. She was a couple of years behind me in school, which is probably why we didn’t forge a strong friendship that would carry through the years. But we were friends for a time. And even though many years have passed since I saw her last, I can still see her clear as day. And I feel her loss deeply.

I don’t know the specifics of Gretchen’s passing, and I don’t feel like I should be privy to the details. But I know it wasn’t expected. It rarely is in one so young. One day she was here, and the next she wasn’t. All of her worries and fears, her dreams and aspirations—gone in a single moment.

We think we have a hold on this thing called life, but we don’t. Life has a hold on us, and it can let go whenever it chooses. Most of us carry on with the idea that we’ll grow old and weak, maybe get sick, and pass away in our sleep one day. We’re not exactly comfortable with the idea, but we accept it because it’s what’s meant to happen. Far harder to swallow is the idea that we could just as easily die when we’re young and strong.

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These words aren’t meant to be morbid; they’re meant to be honest. Gretchen and I weren’t close. But still, her death feels close to me. Because for me, as it was when my brother-in-law passed away, it’s a personal reminder. It’s another wake-up call assigned directly to me—directly to all of us: Don't be afraid to live your life. Live it now. You won’t always have the chance.

To Gretchen’s family and friends, I’m so sorry for your loss. And to Gretchen, I am glad to have known you for the short time I did. I remember you well. And thank you for reminding me.

“One can live at a low flame. Most people do. For some, life is an exercise in moderation (best china saved for special occasions), but given something like death, what does it matter if one looks foolish now and then, or tries too hard, or cares too deeply?” —Diane Ackerman

 

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