Not long ago, I went out on a run. I was enjoying the views we are blessed to have in the area where I live, and taking in all in, fear is never on my radar.
When I run, I like to think that I am a cheetah and a ninja or a combination of both, fast and silent as I don’t want to disrupt the peace that surrounds me. On this particular day on the distance, I saw a couple walking. These lovebirds were holding hands and enjoying, like me, the views and the trail and obviously each other’s company. I kept my pace, and as I was approaching them, something very interesting happened. Because of my Ninja skills, I didn’t make a sound as I approach them, and then I was upon them. They noticed me when I was just a few feet away from them. They had heard me before they saw me.
The boyfriend didn’t think twice, whiteout looking what I was, he took off running in a sprint that I am sure not even Usain Bolt would not have been able to match. The girl, on the other hand, turned around with a very determined look, but still a bit concerned about who I was. Then she realized that it was just me, she looked at me, looked at the direction in which her boyfriend took off, then looked at me again. She shrugged her shoulders and said, “I guess somebody is afraid of you”. A few seconds later, the guy came back, and he was obviously embarrassed that he took off like he did and left his girlfriend to fend for herself.
When we are afraid three things usually happen, a) some of us get paralyzed in fear b) some tend to avoid it the situation by getting away as fast as we can or by simply pretending it is not there or c) we come out swinging.
There is another way, the way the girl took it, she turned around, assessed the situation, considered the options and reacted accordingly. She was calm and realize that I wasn’t a burglar or a bear. Thus there was no need to take any action.
In my life, I have have been in instances when I was very afraid. When I was diagnosed with the brain tumor, when I couldn’t do the job I worked so hard to get, when my first marriage ended, when I did my first Ironman. Thru it all I remember one thing, I kept thinking, no matter what I can handle this. For some reason, that mantra was a reminder that I am stronger than I think I was. The fear didn’t go away, but I wasn’t looking to be fearless, but to fear less, to be less afraid.
This is a little framework I devised that has helped me tremendously in handling my fears; I call it I can handle anything process.
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Step1- Get clear, what exactly am I afraid of?
Step2- If my fears are realized, what is the worst that can happen? ( I exaggerate the outcome)
Step3- Answer the question - What would I do if wasn’t afraid?
Step4- Visualize myself accomplishing what I pictured in step 3
Step 5-Go do it, the fear will never go away, but it will diminish the more I do what I am afraid of.
You can handle anything!!
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